for one day only (until i get caught up) im going to step out of the archives, put them on hold for one post, and jump to today.

Y and i got in a fight this morning. not unusual for a couple to get into a fight and really not unusual for us! but today, for some reason, it has really gotten to me. i was sooo angry when i left for work, worrying that the few tears that had squeezed their way out on the subway had smudged my make-up. there was a sick feeling in my stomach that i left the house angry at him, and all day i have been thinking back to around september of last year, before we started swinging. we went through a rough spot where i seemed to be angry at him all the time. constantly the dull sensation of empniness inside me. i thought he was cheating on me. he wasnt. they say that good things come of bad situations. i guess i knew before, but back then, that situation made me realize that i loved him.

i know some people may be thinking "i thought this blog was about swinging. wheres the tits? wheres the ass? whats all this emotional crap??" or "would you really care that much if he was cheating on you? doesnt he fool around with other girls all the time in front of you?" a portion of swinging is about raw sexual energy. the kissing, the touching, the licking and fucking, but i also want this to be real. for you to feel what i do...what we do. we dont just go out and fuck other people. we are a real couple, with the same love and desire and pain and hurt as anyone else. if Y was to cheat on me it would kill me. it wouldnt be the fact that he slept with another girl. obviosly i have the ability to differentiate between sex and love and know that the two dont have to be connected in any way. that you can indulge in the pleaseures of human flesh without wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person. its the betrayal that would drive the knife in deep, twisting into my heart.

we are real. we are in love. and some days we choose to stay in and cuddled on the couch instead of partisipating in group sex.

as the day goes on my anger has faded and the love (that is always ruminating around, even during a fight) is filling me up and giving me a hug. i want to kiss him. hold him. and feel his stubble prickle my face as he kisses me back.




i wrote the below back in sept when i thought he was cheating on me...before i told him i loved him.

does she?
does she see your lip twitch when you think?
does she misspell her words too?
does she laugh when you try to sing?
does she know youre favourite colours blue?
does she dream of your next kiss?....
does she know youre kissing me too?
does she like you more than you think?

i do.

even though we decided to go back to the club, it did not mean that we were giving up on chatting online all together. we just didnt want to chat endlessly with a couple only to meet them in person and not be attracted to them. (and just so we dont sound like the most shallow couple in the world, im not just talking about looks. people can be very different when they are talking to is an emotionless computer screen.)

so when we first started chatting with T & L we were determined to meet them as soon as we could. but for about a week and a half we had only talked to "L", the male half of the couple. he seemed very nice and extremely funny. humour is one of my biggest turn on so i liked him right away! they were both new to the swinging scene also, but had experienced a lot more than our "couple sandwich." he told us that most of his fantasies had already been fulfilled, but he wouldnt mind trying some out again! we seemed to click well, but after 2 weeks had passed and we still hadent chatted with the female half, or set up a time to meet in person, we started to wonder if they were too busy for us, or if "T" even existed! we had seen some pictures and i was quite attracted to her (she reminded me of kristen dunst! mmmm, kristen dunst....)

after another half of a week we finally got the talk with T....and found her kind of boring. we also found out that she was a smoker which made both of our noses crinckle in dislike. (some people describe us as "health freaks") but we had invested a good deal of time into them and i still thought she was really cute, so we decided to stick it out with them. we tried to set up meeting after meeting, but things kept coming up. they were out of town, we already had plans, they just wanted to stay in and chill. about a month and a half had passed since we started talking to them and we were doing exactly what we didnt want to do....endless chatting!

the next weekend Y & i were moving into our new appartment, but T & L had it free! we decided that even if our move took us 24 hours and gave us strained backs, pulled muscles and a broken toe, we were going to meet them....and have a good time damnit! nothing was going to stop us from meeting......

a few days before our scheduled meeting i started to feel my throat swell, my temperature rise and my head pound.

i was getting sick.

typical couples valintines day:
-flowers
-dinner
-a night of passionate love making

my and Y's valintines day:
-a short skirt
-couples club
-touching another girls breasts

after our first meeting with troll girl and her man we decided that we were going to try out the club again. all the internet chatting was seeming to get us nowhere and its really hard to get to know a person online, and even harder to really know what they look like. some people edit their pics they send or just send body shots of themselves for anonimity. why would i want to waste time endlessly chatting with someone to finally meet them and see their face looks like a cows rear end?

but at the club we get to see and talk to the couples directly. people are different in person than they are online....no screen to sheild them in person. that is if i get the balls to actually go up and talk to someone!

this time we had no expectations of going upstairs. but we knew the option was there. Y agreed to not be as pushy and i agreed to try to overcome my fear of making the first move.

being the valintines day bash, the club was full of girls dressed in red & pink lacy lingerie. i had tried some on earlier in the day but having no job at the time i couldnt justify spending $70+ on a hot piece to wear that night. as i looked around at all the cute girls in in the hot outfits i wished i had dropped a little cash for the occation.

there were a few couples we noticed right away:

1)a tall average looking man with an adorably sexy woman in a red lingerie piece that revealed just a peek of her beautiful round bottom under her red lacy shorts

2)a couple sitting on the sidlines that looked like they came straight from the business end of Bay street, probably looking for a release from the buttoned up collard shirt, tightly tied neck tie & perfectly pressed pant world that they are a part of on a daily basis. welcome to your naked weekend release guys!

there were a few girls that Y and i both found attractive but not really any couples as a whole. we noticed one girl that was doing a seductive dance in and around the cage while her boyfriend looked on. we also noticed her stealing glances our way once in a while. as Y was trying to convince me that she was interested and to go talk to her, her and her bf were dancing their way up to us until we were all dancing in a very close proximity to one another, my butt grazing hers as we danced.

Knowing that im hesitant to make the first move, Y turned me around to face her back and grind my ass into Y. slowly, he took my hands and placed them gently on her little waist and whispered in my ear "are you ok with this?" as he retreated his hands back to my waist and gave a reasuring sqeeze. i nodded enthusiasticly as i felt her warm soft body pressing back into my hands. i slid slowly up her waist until my hands were alongside her breasts and i let them linger there before slipping them back down her body all the way to her bare thighs. at that point i couldnt help myself from bringing my hands around to caress and squeeze her full round ass. as i was taking in and feeling every section of this woman i could see Y's hand hovering close. i grab it reasuringly and bring him in for a feel. as he to touches her all over with his left hand, his right hand pulls me in close to him and slides from my waist to my ass and back again. i can see the excitment in his eyes and feel it in his pants as i grind against him. my hands move back up to her breasts but this time i get the courage to reach over and fondle her nipples as Y's hand continued to explore her ass.

it was our first couple sandwich and it was very tasty. we didnt go upstairs that night but we did go home very excited, enthusiastic and satisfied with our first experience......and had a good fuck later on while talking about and re-living the entire experience!

the next day we received this email from the troll girl and her boy...

"Hi guys! Just wanted to send a quick e-mail to let you know that we had a nice time yesterday. We've talked and wouldn't mind getting together again if you guys are interested. Let us know either way. Talk to ya soon!"

this was our response:

"hey guys, we did have a great time too and liked that you made us feel so comfortable on our "first date"
unfortunately Y did not feel like he conected with "troll girl" very well. (we obviously did use her real name in the actual email) he enjoys someone who is a little more outgoing.
thanks again for the great time and we wish you luck in your search!"

obviously we didnt mention that we werent attracted to her, but it was the truth that she wasnt very outgoing. troll girls man dominated the conversation and she seemed quite shy and withdrawn. maybe she wasnt THAT into this whole swinging thing. he , on the other hand was very outgoing, funny and attractive and Y even got along with him great. Y and i later joked about getting in contact with him and telling him that if he ever found a new woman to give us a call! (we obviously arent that mean though!)

So once in a while Y has a few things he wants to add to my blog, so i am letting him have guest posts when he wants. here is the first of many to come...

To my defence I'll also mention that each picture we recived from the "troll girl couple" showed her from either her side or covered her shoulders... Now picture this... 5 footish, 110 pounds, but with shoulder that would envy a line backer! This girl was build! She looked a feminine as male bodybuilding midget!.. ontop of that, It looked like she had washed her face with an SOS pad.. It was a redish purple that been unsucessfully covered up with by a ton of makeup.... It just wasn't our cup of tea.. But like we said.. They were "Nice"... Really "nice"...

When we were almost finished devouring our meals, and a whole 45 mins after we were supposed to meet our first couple, two familiar faces walk into the restaurant. its them!! and all of a sudden the nervousness floods back. what do we say to them!? is it bad to start out a date with "what the hell took you so long?"

We all shake hands and introduce ourselves and to my surprise the conversation starts right away. no awkward silences. no shy hesitations. we talk about everything from our choice of restaurant, our careers, school, our experience with swinging and why we all wanted to get into it, how we fell in love and anything else that came up in our 2 hour lunch date. it was a great first meeting and really made me feel comfortable with the fact that swingers are normal people too! they were nice and shy and all round normal...just like us! but there was one problem...

"she looked like a troll!" Y said to me after we ended our meeting. i could tell as soon as they walked in that Y would not be attracted to her, which did ease my nerves right away since i knew he would not want to go further with them. but halfway through the date i started to wish that he did find her attractive since we all got a long great and i was quite attracted to the male half of the couple. (which doesnt happen that often as i am quite picky when it comes to men. even pickier when it comes to women!)

as we finished paying, the male half says " well i guess this is the awkward part eh!?" more that he knows...theres no un-awkward way to say "it was fun but shes a troll so we dont want to fuck you." instead i suggest that we go our separate ways to discuss with our partners to see how we feel about eachother.

they bought it. its much easier to "break up" with someone on msn....

we finally set up a "date" to meet a couple we had been chatting to for some time. they seem nice, but are from hamilton. (strike one against them.) we exchanged some pics and they look alright, but sometimes its really hard to tell!

we pick one of our favourite restaurants to meet them for a no preassure lunch. we are the first couple they are meeting also so i have a feeling that there will be no nakedness on this date...just a lot of shaky nerves!

we show up to the restaurant a couple minutes early and look around. i start to panic because im not sure i would recognize them even if they were sitting right infront of me. i do a double take to a couple sitting in the back and give a little smile, but with no reaction back, i assume its not them.
we sit down and look over the menu. at this point i am starving, but it would be rude to order before they arrive wouldt it?

15 minutes go by. my stomach growls out loud and there is still no sign of them. maybe they are just running late? "lets give them 5 more minutes"

5 minutes later and we are ordering our food; excited to finally eat, but feeling let down that we were stood up on our very first date! the nervousness was starting to fade and i was a little happy that i was going to be able to enjoy my good food without having to think up and look interested in small talk with two strange people.

a half hour after our meeting time and the nervousness i was feeling completely drained from my body as my food had arrived, but our dates didnt. at least we picked our favourite restaurant so the date wasnt a complete loss!

Y and i chat as we eat, contemplating situations that could possibly make them stand us up. was the snowstorm worse in hamilton and they lost our number to call and let us know? were they lost themselves? did they take a second look at our pics we sent them and decide that we are hideous beasts that they didnt want to waste their time with?

they probably got lost..

i thought it was hard looking for another girl, now we have to agree on a couple!?

hes too old
she's too fat
hes kinda creepy looking
she has a horse face

(well i guess the horse face wouldnt make much difference if she had a hot ass and he was doing her from behind, but i dont think we are ready for that yet!)

so far we have chatted to quite a few couples but have yet to meet anyone. i started to get bored with the endless chatting on msn and wanted to get our first "date" over with, even though i was nervous with the outcome. what if we meet them and are not attracted to them? do we make up a lame excuse to leave 5 mins into the meeting? or talk openly about the fact that we dont think they are fuck-worthy? do we give them the "its not you its us speech?" what if i really like them, but Y doesnt? what if they ask us to go further and i dont know what Y thinks? or worse yet, what if its the other way around and WE are the sub-standard ones!? what if we are all attracted to each other, things progress past drinks, sexy things start happening and at that moment i suddenly realize that this ISNT what i want, i AM jealous, and i DONT want to continue doing this???

only one way to find out...

the very next day we looked into one of the websites T&J had recomended to us: AFF is like the older, sluttier sister of Lavalife. i basically have no need to download porn anymore since discovering this site. its hot.

so we surfed the site while chatting about the possability of broadening our search to include couples as well as single girls. im interested in couples for a few reasons:

1. no one goes home alone and everyone has someone they love involved.

2. as much as i am looking forward to experimenting and playing with some soft and sensual girls, men are still my first choice.

3. the thought of just having sex in the same room as another couple is a huge turn on. adding the possability of kissing and touching them in a jumble of limbs, cocks, pussies and tits = instant wettness.

so we decided to sign up with a profile stating that we are looking for other couples. im still half expecting a pamphlet to show up in the mail saying "congratulations on becoming a swinger" with detailed descriptions about the lifstlye to answer all of our swinging queries.

as i said before, this site is pretty hot. even peoples profile pics are xxx rated some of a pussy slipping tightly down a hard cock, girls in short skirts bending over to reveal a delicious ass & tiny pink lips peaking out from underneith, long hard cocks aching to be sucked and many of juices dripping out of a freshly fucked pussy.

you can tell we are new since our pic is of us, fully clothed with our arms around eachother and big black bars across our eyes.

hopfully it will attract peoples attention as the only NOT nude pic on the entire wesite!

we took a break from dancing and sat on the couch, watching and taking it all in. a couple that was eyeing us up earlier sat down beside us. this couch can sit 3 comfortably. to fit 4 was quite intimate and we couldnt help but touch eachothers legs, and who wants to be sitting on a couch, squished with two strangers and not say a word to them?

T&J were not a bad looking couple (she had a bit of a horse face) but they were very friendly, and the first people to "make a move" on us. We chatted with them about the lifestyle, (they have been swinging for 5 years) and we told them that we were really only looking for a girl to join us, not a couple. they told us that the club probably wasnt our best option for that, but they gave us the names of a few adult websites dedicated to helping adults find others to explore their fantasies with. apparently lavalife has nothing on these sites! they also talked to us about the wonders of being with another couple and how we should really consider this option also. so we got the name of a few of the websites, chatted a bit more and went back to dancing.

All was going well, it looked like we were going to go upstairs and witness our first live porn situation...until the fight. yes the fight. i guess its inevitable that when a couple takes a journey like this, at some point one will want to take the senic route, while the other is stearing toward the short cut.

All night Y had been giving little pushes for me to be more outgoing. "why dont you go talk to her?" "why dont you go dance in the cage?" "cummon...we are never going to meet anyone if you dont get over your shyness!" i do agree with that. the club is designed around women. women are the ones that make the first move so that it doesnt take on the same feel at the regular downtown clubs with men pawing and grabbing at girls, thinking that they have the right to touch us as soon as we dont have our arms around another man. (the reason i stopped going to normal clubs actually) i did have to get up the courage to make the first move...but did it have to be today?

i did want to go upstairs to check it out and see if it is something that i would want to partisipate in in the future, which im SURE it would be. but after one too many comments from Y about me being to shy and thinking that im not really ready for all of this, i got frustrated. me, not ready!? was i not the catalyst in this whole situation?? i was totally ready for an introduction into the lifstyle! i may not be ready to jump face first into another girls dripping pussy, but cummon, gimme some time to get adjusted here!

when in a loud club with a few glasses of wine in me its hard to get these points across in an open and honest manner. i got angry with him , he got angry with me and the night ended with us, both extremely frustrated, getting our coats and leaving without going upstairs, not talking all the way home, me crying, us both feeling bad after the situation is explained, making up, and cuddling eachother to sleep.

what a whirlwind of events

such new experiences all so sexually and emotionally charged. as i driffted off to sleep, my head was left swimming with thoughts of the night...and fantasies of bringing another couple into our beds instead of just another girl.

thanks to the wonderfully favbulous HKD for creating this new template for me! (no, none of the pics are of me....my boobs arent that big :P) but i am planning to do a photo shoot to get some artisticly sexy photos that i can create some more personal, intimate banners with. please let me know if there are any suggestions!

it started out like any other club: people drinking & dancing & women in short skirts. but as the night went on it became more apparent that we werent in your average downtown club.

as we are taking it all in i notice a couple. he is sitting low down on a couch and she is standing above him, dancing for him seductivly. i watch her dance in her short skirt and lingerie top and notice her bending over him, her beautiful round ass exposed for all to see. i also notice a few other couples that are being entertained by the same glimps that i got from beneither her skirt. my eyes wander around the croud and when they fall on the couple again, she is stradling him on the couch, her breasts out with him tantilizing her nipples with his toungue. now they have a bit of a larger audience, some couples casually looking over to enjoy, other looking on more intesely, holding eachother, with a hand up a skirt or down a shirt while enjoying the free show.

Y and i decide to dance for a while.

theres a cage on the end of the dance floor that we see one of the owners dancing in. "you want to dance in the cage" Y asks. i respond with a "hell no." lets take this thing one step at a time here...i cant believe everything im seeing and still feel like im peering into this world from the outside. im not ready to break through and become an actual part of the world yet! as time goes on a new girl climbs into the cage. and then another, and another still. the three girls start out by dancing in the cage, separetaly. then one grazes another girls ass with her hand. that girl responds by running her hand down her arm, and placing the first girls hand on her waist. they grind together, slowly and seductivly, with their bright eyed husbands (and a good portion of the club) looking on. they caress each other gently, running thier fingers through eachothers hair, grabbing at breasts / asses and being all around sex kittens.

Y turns me around so that we are both facing the girls in the cage, and holds me close. i grind my ass into his cock, swaying to the music and feel him responding from all the stimulation around us.

hot.

a quick shopping trip and i finish with a semi see-thru tank top and a short black skirt. perfect. ring in the new year with sexy style.

i was a little nervous but at least we now know what to expect from a swingers club. we arrive early with only a few other couples scattered around the smaller than expected club. we got to chat to the owners a bit and then got a tour of the upstairs on premis area.

crazy

no one goes up there till after 12am so it was empty, but our imaginations filled in the blanks. the first room we saw was the "voyuer room." its a tiny room with only enough space for a couch. (and a bottle of lube, bowl of condoms and kleenex) the couch faces a two way mirror that overlooks a bed. you can see them, they cant see you. perfect for a young couple just starting out in the lifstyle! around that area there are a few beds, a chair, a round pedistal looking thing, and a strange padded device that i cant even imagine a position to be used on it! (ive seen it be used and now understand...that story comes later ;)
the next room down the hall is the "mirror room" all the walls and ceiling are covered in mirrors. when i stood in it, it looked like there were about a million of me in the room...imagine what it would look like with a full on orgie going on!
we then checked out the hot tub area. its a general hang out area that people use between fuck sessions to chat with other couples. there is a couch facing a big screen projection of porn on the wall, a tropical hot tub and there are showers that you can use to clean up between session.

finally we get to the orgie room. a room full of beds at multiple hights with mood lighting. orgie-riffic.

wow. ive never dreamed that anything like this ever existed...and still cant really believe that it is real. the tour is over and its time to go downstairs, back into reality for now, and enjoy this whole atmosphere.

New Years arrives and i am pretty pumped to go to the club. ive gotten back into the mindset of "sex with another girl can be fun!" instead of "you must look at me and only me."

but now onto the next problem that plagues me....

what am i going to wear!?!?

see. sometimes i can totally be girly

its getting close to new years and this year I have a few options

-house party
-stay at home
-another house party
-go to a swingers club

ive never been a fan of new years with all the drunken slobbering fools out in full force; so this year i was in no hurry to come up with plans

after months of us not really pursuing our 3some, Y comes across a website for a swingers club that is hosting a new years party downtown toronto. not really being in the mind set for it, i was again apprehensive & stuck in a brief moment of girlism thinking "why don’t you want anyone else, why am I not good enough??"

i took a look at their website & saw a lot of pictures of tits and asses hanging out in a club atmosphere. it all looked like a bunch of women being displayed for the men and then i noticed something different about this club than all the other ones we had heard about...
on premise room upstairs

its an area that people can have sex openly infront of each other and even mix and mingle sexually with other couples. as i read further it seemed that it was a no-pressure environment, and voyeurism was quite alright.

so like live porn?? sounds good to me!

"baby, wheres the phone. lets make reservations"

alaska

so this brings us up to about june of 2005. the month of july we spent driving from toronto to alaska and ended up falling in love somewhere in between.

we spent some time talking about another girl; analizing and rating girls we saw on the street, subway, in restaraunts, but not activly persuing anything. some interest on lavalife, but we seemed to be at a standstill...until we discovered club wicked.